My little Schmer...

Two nights ago, I received an unexpected call from my mom in which she told me one of my good friends from home had passed away. I was shocked. One of my worst fears is someone close to me dying while I'm here, and of all the people I worried about, Erin never made the list. It's odd that I would have never thought this. Erin had cancer for as long as I was friends with her--four years--but I honestly never foresaw her dying so young. I was uncontrollably emotional at first--simultaneously upset and angry. I hurt physically as well--my body just ached. I was upset at the loss of one of my dearest friends. We were really close in my high school years, and though we drifted slightly due to distance, I still saw her regularly during the summers. But I was also extremely mad at myself. I was mad for not contacting her while I had been here. I had done a good job (for me anyway) of keeping in touch with friends, but I just never facebooked Erin or wrote her a postcard. Actually that's not true. I had written her a postcard the first week I was here, I just never took the next step of getting her address. Erin was such a great friend to me, and I was so angry at myself and sad that she may have thought that I had forgotten her. I really wish I would have known how bad off she was...

I'm much better about it emotionally. I talked it through with Tyler, and he was amazing about it. It's insane how someone willing to listen to you cry and vent can make such a huge difference. It seems as if people usually feel really uncomfortable and like they have to say something right away. Usually the person says something dumb when really the best thing they can do is just lend some time and a listening ear. I just cried for the first bit to Tyler, then went through my anger at myself, but I mainly reminisced the good times. I'm still in shock though. It's just so sad to think that she's not going to be there when I get back. Her funeral is today. I'm sure that tons of people went. Everyone loved her. Though people will mostly be grieving, I can't help but think that her funeral will be kinda funny too. I mean, I'm sure Erin would have found some amusement in it. She was the type of person who would laugh at the most sad, serious moments in a movie. It drove me crazy even though I would often laugh too. When I was telling Tyler about Erin, I couldn't help but laugh. I couldn't get the image of her squeezing my arm so she could fart while we were in church or her saying "Oh my goodness, oh my goodness" and waving her hands like she was about to have an anxiety attack. She was one of the biggest dorks I knew. I'm going to miss her so much. My little Schmer...